The Phoenix Rises

A PEACE Of My Mind!

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I was born under the sign of AumI was built from the same mettle as the blade of the sword of Odin

And I was under the careful Eye of Horus

And when I thought the flames had all but consumed me

And taken me right to my bones

And into my soul

Something changed

Changed deep inside of me

And lifted me up

Up out of the ashes

A burning flight across the sky

To a higher elevation

To a better position

To a better view

I was reborn

I was new

I was

And I am

I am whole



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An Old Story

A friends post tonight reminded me of an old story from 30 years ago. True story. One night in college I was in my apartment with my very first girlfriend. It was late, and she had to go back to the dorms. I was going to be a gentleman and walk her back. We were in the kitchen, with the lights off, and I slipped my bare foot into one of my shoes, and a big old Oriental Water Bug squeezed his way through my toes! I screamed like a little girl, kicked out my leg, and my shoe went flying through the open kitchen window!! And the damn thing had wings (which prior, I did not know), and flew back in!!! I was jumping up and down, screaming. And my roommates and my old girlfriend never let me live that down…It is pretty damn funny now thinking about it…

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An Adventure

She asked, “Where are we going?”
I said, “On an adventure.”
She then asked, “Where?”
I then said, “Anywhere. It’s a surprise.”
She followed up, “When?”
I smiled, “When you come, it starts.”
She asked, “For how long?”
And I stated, “Until we stop.”

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I Am Cool

She said, “You are so cool!”
I said, “Thanks!”
She said, “I want to hang with you!”
I said, “How old are you?”
She said, “23.”
I said, “Well, I’m 47.”
She said, “But you’re smarter and cooler than the guys my age!”
I said, “That’s cause I’m your father, babe! Dig?”

I think she understood what I meant. That’s because, I am cool.

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The Date

The lovers held hands. Fingers interwoven. Clasped gently bone to bone, except for when they crossed the street in the city, when he would tightly squeeze, and place himself on the outside facing the traffic. As far as he was concerned, nothing would harm her without going through him first. And while he had her hand, he was indestructible.
They walked the city, not a word spoken, but a feeling of total comfort,

At nightfall, they sat upon the hood of the car, up upon the hill, playing the music of James Blunt, Josh Ritter, and The Moody Blues, as they gazed up at the stars, and realized how small they were, yet how big, and fantastical a feeling they had.
He leaned over. He pressed his thick lips upon her cheek. She tickled and shivered a warm delight that made her knees twitch and vibrate beyond her control, just activated by his breath upon her skin.
She felt then his warm, peaceful breath in her ear.
He did not say, “I love you” as she was anticipating. Instead, he said gently and in a low whisper, “I will be with you for a thousand years, unless you wish me away. If you wish me away, you will not see me for a thousand years.”
He gently kissed her earlobe at that. She felt the hairs stand up on the back of her neck, the goosebumps tingle up her back, and her knees quivered and shook warmly.

She leaned in and closed her eyes with her full lips pouted out. He pressed his against hers. And for the first time she felt heaven. And then felt the feeling of falling through the sky, then floating up again, as if someone had picked her up.

She did not know if she died that moment. But her smile was so wide, so long, she could feel it from end to end.
She did not want that moment to end, as she looked up at the stars…

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The Feeling Of Home

The eyes made contact.
The bodies leaned in.
The eyes closed.
The lips locked.
The arms wrapped around and locked hold.
They were home. At home. And nothing meant nothing, and everything meant everything.
It was easy. It was a peace.

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How To Get A Man’s Attention

Women complain constantly when they can’t get a man’s attention. They are doing it wrong. It so easy to get the man’s attention. And I’m gonna tell them right now.
For free. No expensive seminars. No stupid books to read that don’t even tell the truth.

This is my gift to women. This is my public service announcement to women. At NO charge. I just want women and men to be happy by providing this free advice. It’s easy. So easy to get a man’s attention. And when I tell you this, you’re gonna say, “Holy crap! Flemming’s right! It was so obvious! I’m such a stupid broad!” Really. You’re gonna say that. Are you ready? Are you ready for this?

Okay. Here it is.

Yup. Bananas.
Eat a banana in front of him, or even an ice cream cone, if you don’t like bananas.

You WILL have his complete and undivided attention.
He WILL be a dear caught in the headlights.
You WILL be in control.

And the beauty of this is? It works for every guy who isn’t gay! It works ladies, for every heterosexual male.

Just eat a banana.

Oh, he’s busy watching the Super Bowl? Just stand next to the TV set, and eat the banana. You don’t have to block the TV set, just be in his eye line. In just seconds, you’ll notice his eyes darting between you and the big game, to only watching you!
And the great thing about it? You never have to say anything!

It’s a scientific fact, that all men are fascinated with women eating a banana or an ice cream cone, much like a cat and a laser light!

Men forget their names. They forget who they are. They forget where they live. They forget who their favorite sports teams are! The forget everything!!

Try it. You know it’s true even if you haven’t done this.

In fact, with this special power, I know I would be an awesome kingpin in some mafioso organized crime family. Really.

(In my worst Italian accent), “Hey Vinnie! Bringa dat Italian supermodel inna here! Lorena! And be a sure a to a give a her da… Banana!”

Then this gorgeous supermodel comes in… With a banana!
The dudes thinking, “What the heck?”

(Back to my crappy accent), “Eatta da banana darling. Look Carmine. Look at Lorena eat dat banana. Look atta dat! Look a atta how she holds a dat a banana. Do you see a dat Carmine? Now tell a me Carmine. Whadda you a remember aboutta dat bank job on a Monday?”

The dudes totally fixed on her. “Bank job?”

“Yeah. Da bank a job we did.”

“…Oh yeah… The bank job.”

“Looka Carmine… Look atta how da whippa cream slips offa da banana an a slides down a Lorena’s chin like a dat. Loor at dat Readi a Whippy creama drip offa dat banana and onto Lorena’s a moth, Carmine!… Carmine. You a remember dat a bank job?”

The dudes just lost. “Huh?… What?… Uh, yeah… Bank”

“Yeah a bank, butta different kinda bank, Carmine. You know whatta I mean? A kinda bank where you made a early withdrawal if ya know whatta I mean? Oh, look at a Lorena eatta dat banana, Carmine!”




“Whattsa my name Carmine?”


“See a Vito? He fourgettabout already!!!”