I have seen more talent in a Chuck E Cheese animatronic band, than the band I watched last night.
The only time you should be able to pardon yourself is if you fart. But even then you still may not be popular.
If you’re my dad, Happy Father’s Day.Your Sport.
April Fools Day is when Trumpeters find a new treasure trove of shit to believe on the internet.
I’m not gonna rush out and get a Harley for my 50th. My whole life has been a series of mid-life crises anyway.
My grandfather was a very strict and devout Episcopalian. Which is sort of like being an alcoholic that only drinks Bud Light.
Everyday I count my blessings in life. Today I’m grateful for coffee flavored peanut M&Ms, and women wearing yoga pants.