The Phoenix Rises

A PEACE Of My Mind!


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I Was Just Thinking

I was just thinking. 

Dating is so hard these days, and it would just suck and be even harder if I was missing a toe. I don’t think women would like that. I don’t think I’d like that.

They might be annoyed and say things like, “Why are you missing a toe?”, or repulsed like, “Ew! You’re missing a toe? Why do you only have nine toes?”

And it could just be very awkward. Go out on a date, have a lovely time, because I’m wearing nice shoes, so she can’t see I’m missing a toe, which I might be misleading her because I’m wearing shoes, and she’s asumming that I have all my little piggies, and she might be mad that I didn’t wear sandals and just come right out with it, like, “Sorry, that one never got roast beef.”, or, “That one never made it all the way home to wee.”

Then she comes back to my place after and sees later on, my nine toes peaking out from under the covers and says, “Hey! What’s that then? What’s that gap that looks like David Letterman’s smile? Where’s the other one?” It could be very awkward.

And how did I lose my toe? Gangrene? A wart that ate my toe, or a botched wart removal procedure?

Then an idea hit me. I should make replacement toes. Just glue ’em on like fake nails. Little squirt of crazy glue. Could be the business opportunity I’ve been waiting for if anyone else has that problem. But I don’t think any of my friends are missing a toe. But then I thought, well I would need supply and demand.

How could I do it to begin my new business? Squirt wart juice around showers or swimming pools? How do I find wart juice?

Then a better idea hit me. You know those gross Halloween candies they make like gummy worms, bugs, vomit and stuff? Wart Juice! Maybe it should be greenish and yellowish like a citrus juice or soda. Maybe it has a cream filling, white, maybe a cool mint flavor like those chocolate mints!

Or maybe it’s just a bad idea. 

Maybe I oughtta just stop thinking.