The Phoenix Rises

A PEACE Of My Mind!

Never Call An Old Ex

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Never ever call an old ex, looking to hook up for any thing when you breakup with the current. What’s gonna happen is, she’s gonna answer and it’s gonna go like this…

“Hey, Jasmine! It’s Flemming!”

“Hey Flemming! What’s going on?”

“How you been? It’s been a long time!”

“I know, right?”

“What are you up to? What’s been going on?”

“Well, I got married to this awesome guy, Hans. He’s the president of a pharmaceutical company. We’re living in this wicked ass 24,000 square foot house in the good part of town, I’m president of the local PTA, oh, and I have 3 beautiful children, Lars, Milos, and Ariana. They’re honor students. Lars is captain of the lacrosse team, Milos is the leading scorer on the school water polo team, and Ariana just finished her third recital! But what’s up with you? What’s been going on?”

“Oh… Well… My bitch ass ex girlfriend left me… Stole my car and all my shit… Burned my house down… Killed my cat… I think… Unless she took it… Or it ran away…”


“I know, right?”

“Well, you’ll meet the right girl! You’re an awesome guy!”

“I know, right? Well… It was great catching up with you!”

“I know, right?”

“Well… I gotta go buy some more alcohol now… And a bullet.”


Author: Flemming Erik Carlson

I am a writer of all mediums. I am currently working on a variety of projects. I like to keep busy. I am currently developing a revolutionary new social media music app, finishing writing 3 science fiction novels, and producing my own album of music. I still perform as an actor, and stand up comedian from time to time. I am an actor, comedian, writer, satirist, director, and producer.

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