I often wonder what the heck I am doing, and why I’m doing it, or not doing it, and what else should I be doing. Ugh, then my head hurts, and I have to lay down. I love taking naps. I’m very good at it. I do it well. Remember when you where a kid arguing, “I don’t wanna take a nap!”? You have all that energy. Then you wise up as an adult, and whine, “I wanna take a nap!” You think you knew it all as a kid. You knew you didn’t like naps, and you wanted to play, and be a superhero. What a great dream to aspire to. You might have changed your view on naps, but you probably still want to be a superhero. Why can’t you still be? Who says it’s wrong to be a superhero, or dress like a fantasy character? Why does that have to be so weird? Costumes are cool. We need an alter ego sometimes. Women do it all the time. It’s called being a bitch. Men do it all the time too. It’s called being an a**hole. And it might reduce a lot of depression in this country. It’s becoming wildly accepted in places. More people are getting into cosplay, and dressing up for Comicons. If there were more people dressed as their favorite superheroes, or new ones, the neighborhoods might be safer. It’d be far more entertaining, I’ll tell you that! You might think those people that dress up may be crazy, but they may be on to something. For one, they are so happy to have an alter ego! Just think about it for a second. Dressing up as a cool hero and patrolling the streets looking for crime without a care in the world. Could you imagine if there were superheroes everywhere on the streets?
“Hey man, I just saw Batman patrolling Third Street!”
“Which one? The fat Batman?”
“No, that’s the Batman that lives on Elm Street. I’m talking about the thinner one that lives on Main Street. Batman Steve. The cool one, that got me Blink 182 tickets.”
“Oh, yeah. He’s a cool Batman. He’s dating that smoking hot Sailor Moon girl from the pizzeria!”
“I thought she was married to Eragorn?”
“Nah, that’s old news. She divorced him like a months ago. He was cheating on her with Wonder Woman. He’s seeing Pochahantas now.”
“Did you hear Xena is dating the Spiderman from Springfield?”
“I don’t know what she sees in him. He’s a chicken shit! All he does is go bowling every night.”
“Did you hear Aquaman Bob is pissed off he flunked the lifeguard test at the community pool this season, so Doctor Who got the gig.”
The neighborhoods would be a far more entertaining place. And defiantly more entertaining conversations, and more Instagrams and YouTube videos.
I’d be “NapMan”
“NapMan, There’s a fire down your street! Napman! Wake up!!”
I’d show up. The firemen would be like, “Hey NapMan. We couldn’t wake you. So we put the fire out ourselves. Just like old times. You f’n wanker. Good news though. Your neighbor is safe! Thanks to us. FIREMEN. Real f’n heroes!”
I’d walk over to the neighbor. “Hi! I’m NapMan. Nice to meet you. Glad your safe, citizen.”
The neighbor would be like, “Thanks NapMan. I’m SlothMan. I was gonna come say hello to you when I moved in, but, well, you know…”