Love. LOVE! Who doesn’t love LOVE? Sweet and pure LOVE. Well, a lot of people don’t understand love. That don’t know what comes with it. They think it’s complicated. But it isn’t. It’s so simple. It is a gift from the gods. It’s pure and honest. Yet, I believe people don’t understand it in a simple form, so it gets complicated, so complicated, it appears to die. Appears to. But love never really dies. It never leaves. It gets shrouded in other gobble-dy gook.
I get amazed when I see so many people lose faith in love. Which is what they do. But they are really losing faith in themselves. In this day and age, friendships have become shallow, do to social media, which at times can not be real. It is faux. An illusion. Friendships and lovers and partners have become expendable and disposable. People want some quick amusement and instant gratification. When they don’t get it, they move on. Friendships, lovers, and partners have become disposable in this day and age. Why, you may ask? Because this is a fast food, instant gratification society that has developed. We want to be entertained so much and instantly, that we become bored at the simplest things. And we have it given to us, whether or not we have earned it.
We have to be motivated. And motivation is a problem for most. We have to actually work to do what we want to achieve. But we want it handed to us. Life doesn’t work that way. Pure and simple. That is why divorce is way up. That is why more and more people are depressed. That is why self esteem is way down. That is why self help books and motivational books and speakers are doing a booming business. But most quit. Because it takes too much work. It’s too hard, they say. But nobody sees the forest for the trees. They take an easy way out by being negative. They give up on their selves because that is the easy way out. But negativity is a disease. It eats at you. It causes, wait for it, dis ease. Love is actually easy. It just comes. But it has to come from YOU first. And it’s a lot easier than you think. That is because your mind has been poisoned. It, like negativity, can manifest. And it will bring a positivity, and a happiness. Love takes no energy. Hate takes a lot. Hate is a gas guzzler. Hate can kill you. Hate causes stress. Love feeds on it self. Love shows you endless possibilities, whereas hate shows you there is no possibilities. And there are possibilities in life. So, hate lies to you so blatantly.
A friend sent me this quote on Facebook recently by Bruce Lee, “Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.” I responded with, “If only that were true.” It should be. With me it is. The longer I’m in a relationship the more my love grows to something deeper and more meaningful. There is always the foundation that is left like a rock, even when the house burns down. As long as you have a mutual trust in that foundation. Trust is very important. Without trust, that love is an illusion. It isn’t pure. It might not even be real. That depends on the individual, the issue, and the interpretation of it. When that house burns down remember a couple of things. One, the foundation doesn’t burn. It may get cracks on it. But it is still there no matter what you say or think. Second, fire may consume, but it is sterile. It breaks down the compounds to something simple, ash. Nothing completely disappears it to thin air due to a fire. It is far easier to rebuild on that foundation, than to pick up, and find another place, and try to lay a foundation somewhere else.
Surprisingly, people give up on the love they have. They have a complex view of it that they don’t need to. Couples who break up, tend more to break up because they gave up on themselves, and not the other person. The longer you are with someone accounts for far more than you would believe. You have been through more with them. And a good partners job is to take the journey with you, and when you fall, they pick you up, take you by the hand, and walk on. And you, being a good partner, do the same for them. It is a respect. And that respect and love go hand in hand in achieving happiness. Why would people who have such a strong foundation give up? A lack of respect? A lack of leadership skills? A lack of faith in themselves? It makes no sense to me. If you love someone, you have found something you love within them. So you must be a fan. You must be their biggest cheerleader. You must push them as much as you lean on them and that must be reciprocated. If you let them fail, you are going to let YOU fail because you don’t believe in the love. And why break up after years of believing? You saw the limits early on to say, “I want to be with this person”. You invested your time, maybe your money. To build that foundation with the other person. Why would you ever throw it away? If the relationship was toxic, you had to have seen it earlier on. While you were gushing at what you loved about someone, you decided that that outweighed the negatives. Then that would be your fault and not the other persons.
It is easier to rebuild rather than get something shiny and new. Why? Because I know the chances that you own an old material object that brings you great comfort. And love is supposed to be comfortable. Otherwise it’s some kind of infatuation. And that is shallow. Eventually that bright shiny object losses it’s luster. And it’s up to you if you want to polish it again. And anyone who has polished anything, knows that takes work. But if you want something bad enough you have to work for it. And you will have to start over in a new relationship. Don’t listen to a pseudo intellectual psychologist who says marriages fail because we live longer now, or marriages/relationships are only supposed to last ten years, or that we are not meant to be monogamous. That is a lazy excuse to me. That is junk science. It’s about love. Love is timeless. It has always been around, and it will always be around. It’s about commitment to the relationship. It’s what everyone wants. And it’s what everyone CAN have if they accept it, and don’t reject it.
So when you build off of that love, I just don’t understand why the deeper you go with it, why you would settle to sack it, if there is still trust.
In my life, I have had quite a bit of money, and I have been dirt poor. And in any of those times, did the money or lack of it, dictate my happiness. It was who I was with, and what I was doing at the time. Money was inconsequential.
Forgiveness is easy once you learn how. I was mad and frustrated at an ex of mine for almost 15 years! I had to realize it was me carrying that weight, and not her. It wasn’t until I meditated, and learned to release, that I could forgive. First I had to forgive my self, then I could forgive her. I had to learn to let go. And I understand that letting go is so hard for people. But once you take the time to learn, it is so easy. It is truly divine.
Trust is a basic principle on a foundation of love. It must start right off that bat in order to achieve and gain love. You must also trust yourself and be true to who you are to give it. I had an ex girlfriend I simply adored. I still do, in fact. When we met she told me she loves men, and that I was just the flavor of the month. I still gave in to dating her. When it ended months later, I was disappointed because I really liked her, but I was not upset with her. She always told me the truth from the beginning. She warned me of how she was. And although the romantic side of the relationship did not work out, we remained friends. The trust between us has never been broken. And I do love her as a friend. It’s not uncommon for love to change in it’s description. There are different types of love. But the core does not leave.
Love comes in a variety of forms. Being “in love” IS NOT the same as “loving” someone, any more than you can like someone, and not “love them”, or you can “love” someone but not like them. Those terms and definitions are up to an individual to decide. But just to be clear, in a romantic sense, you can love someone, fall out of “love”, meaning a perception of the term, AND STILL, “fall back in love” with that same person. Again, the “love” never died, but the description changed of the type of love.
These things work if you always maintain a trust, and be willing to forgive. Why not? You forgive your kids? You forgive your parents? Hell, you even forgive your pets for what they do because you understand their limitations because they are another species. Why not a friend, lover, or partner? At some point one of your parents disappointed you. And over time you had to learn to let it go, you had to learn to understand. Because it was your parents. Why are you changing the standards to a friend, lover, or partner? People will always disappoint you. But that is based on your expectations of them when they do. Your pets? Your kids? You know their limitations based on who and what they are. Why would you ever have a double standard on everyone else? We are all humans, and make mistakes. “Can it be fixed?”, is the first question you should always ask. When you do, you will find most of your expectations are unreasonable even when used against yourself. You will find most of these problems are actually smaller than they appear, and you might even find them to be funny, when you step outside of yourself. These are the things to look at when feeling upset, betrayed, or a loss of trust. Regain communication. YOU take the leadership position. This is YOUR love that is being shaken upside down. It is YOUR obligation to get to the root of it. YOU put the time and effort into it, and you need to open up to your friend, lover, partner and confront it. This is a piece of your harmony and your happiness. It is YOUR love. This is the test for your partner. Are they in agreement to fix the situation with you? Are they truly with you? Will they agree and help? If you have that bond, the love should work.
When you love someone, and they love you in return, the true sign, is that you will help them when needed, and they will help you. That partnership helps the task become easier. If the task fails, the friend, partner, lover, whatever, will say, “Well that didn’t work. Let’s try it again.” plain and simple. So many people nowadays get into these extramarital affairs, because they want to escape the tasks that they have to do. They can meet with the lover and not talk about the kids, the finances, the job, etcetera. It’s pure escapism. At some point though, when they are getting deeply involved, new problems will arise. Will they want to escape that also? That would be stupid and shallow. Why throw away love, when someone is trying to help in a partnership, and work on it? Will the new partner do that? Or,will that person run away again? And why would you run away from love, when it’s what you want to begin with anyway? What sacrifices is one willing to make? It seems to me, over time, when you love someone or they love you the foundation is so much stronger that, why take a risk on a stranger, and bail out on some great gift you already have?
One must support love. I have a friend who is a musician. He is passionate about his music. To supplement his dream he must play weddings. Its good money, but he’s really doesn’t like that. But every time, he gets dressed to play a wedding, his girlfriend says to him, “Remember why you are doing this. It’s so you can pay for your dream of playing your own music.” That is a supportive partnership. She loves him enough to push him, make him understand, and help him to get what he wants. Because she LOVES him.
Love is a bond. It is also very spiritual. Think of the greatest leaders about love. Jesus. Buddha. Gandhi. Martin Luther King. They had PASSION. They were passionate about what they believed in. And it wasn’t about money. That passion was about love. Do you have PASSION in your heart? That is where their spirit was in those leaders. That is where everyones passion lay. About love. And to get it, you must give it. You must forgive, and move on. And continue to love with understanding. And when you get it, you MUST nourish it, and keep at it. It will blossom, there is no doubt about that. It manifests just as evil and hatred does. And evil and hatred destroys. Love multiplies, and grows and builds. Fight the negativity. Fight for what you believe. With love, everything else that you want for your goals and dreams becomes easier to obtain.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read about my “love”. And if you “love” this blog please feel free to comment on it, or better yet, please share it to help get the message out!
May Peace, Love, and Happiness find you!
F (The Phoenix)