The Phoenix Rises

A PEACE Of My Mind!


Leave a comment

The Path To Self Enlightenment

The past few weeks I’ve met people who’ve said they found me so relaxed, positive, and calming, where they felt relaxed, and peaceful hanging and chatting with me.

Yesterday a young man said almost the same. He asked me if I knew that and if people said that to me.

I smiled. That felt good, it was nice to hear.

I told him, yes, lately I had. And that it made me feel good, because it told me I was doing better at being a better person.

I told him I used to be impatient. I had a bit of a temper. I was very pessimistic and sarcastic.

Then I lost a lot of things in life, and rather than get angry and bitter, I surrendered myself. I meditated a lot. A lot of self reflection as to who I really was, what I really wanted in life and out of life and what was truly important to me. Happiness. And from that I appreciated the moments in life. The little things.

I told him it was a long process of meditation, becoming a Buddhist from it, and a lot of work rewiring my brain and how I thought. 5 years of real work, yet I am still a work in progress, everyday working on myself. Changing what I can, and letting go of what I can’t, and a lot of forgiveness along the way.

And because of what he said, I told him, made me feel good, because it told me I was on the right path. I had become a new person. And I had to lose a lot, to gain a lot spiritually.

He found that inspiring.

I told him. Be happy. Take time out to enjoy the little things. Always see the world around you because it’s going on. Appreciate things more. Even the simplest. Always be kind. Always choose love. Always work hard on yourself. And maybe a stranger or a friend will tell you in some way how good your doing. He smiled.

May peace, love, and happiness find you and surround you my fellow babies!

Namaste

The Phoenix

🕉❤️❤️❤️

Advertisements


Leave a comment

FRIENDS ARE THE BEST PRESENTS

You and I are friends

We been together through life

And all it’s twists and bends

The happiest of times and the strife

Something that I value

And I wouldn’t want to lose

Hug you when you need it, and hold your hand

Look to your side, and see that I’m your man

I’m always near

And when you need me honey

I’ll be right here

Life can be so funny

But I’m your man

Never leave your side

When the rocks on the mountain begins to slide

I’ll hold you up

And if you need help getting forward, I’ll give you a ride

Cause I’m your friend

And it’s what friends do

For each other

Call me in the middle of the night

When you’re lonely and you might not see the light

And I’ll talk to you about anything or nothing

It doesn’t matter what, we could even have a song to sing

If work gets you down

Call off and I’ll join you on a walk

I’ll make you laugh, and I’ll be your clown

We can just say nothing, or we can just talk

You know I enjoy your company

Just being in your presence

My love for you is free

And love makes the best presents

I’m your man

Never leave your side

When the rocks on the mountain begins to slide

I’ll hold you up

And if you need help getting forward, I’ll give you a ride

Cause I’m your friend

And it’s what friends do

For each other

My love for you is free

And love makes the best presents

I’m your man

Never leave your side

When the rocks on the mountain begins to slide

I’ll hold you up

And if you need help getting forward, I’ll give you a ride

Cause I’m your friend

And it’s what friends do

For each other

Friends are the best presents

COPYRIGHT 2019. FLEMMING ERIK CARLSON. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.


Leave a comment

CLEAR SKIES

Standing

On the edge

Looking

Looking down

At how far

How far I’ve come

Looking up

Looking up

At how high

And how far

The sky is clear

Clear skies

I can see

Clear skies

I can feel

The earth spinning

But I’m still

I am still

The razors edge

A sharp knife

Nothing cuts easier

Than this life

Infinite life

Infinite life

It goes on forever

And so do I

From far away

Deep in space

I can see

How small I am

But larger than life

I will lead

With a passion of energy

More than the sun

Sail the ocean blue

And everyday

See something new

And if I could fly

That’s what I’d do

Call it exasperation

From limitless dedication

To reach out

Reach out

Farther and farther

Than ever before

All of the universe

There is to explore

Standing

On the edge

And looking up

Looking up

At how far

How far I’ve got to go

Looking up

Looking up

It isn’t much higher

It isn’t much farther

To see the sky is clear

Clear skies

Clear skies

I can see

Clear skies

Wipe the sleep from my eyes

Wipe away the tears from my eyes

I can see the clear skies

COPYRIGHT 2019. FLEMMING ERIK CARLSON. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.


Leave a comment

My Quote For Today

Do not measure a man by the size of his bank account or power he may hold. Measure a real man by how he treats others, and the Earth he resides on. His respect for others and his home. His kindness. And his compassion. His efforts to help and lift others up before himself. For these are his values. And they can be far more immeasurable.


Leave a comment

I DON’T LIKE GOODBYES

It’s only sad

When it ends

When it’s over

So don’t let it

Don’t let it go

Let it go on

Baby, hang on

Just for a bit longer

Amuse me

For just a bit

Entertain me

For a while

Just show up

And keep that smile on

We can do this

Just for a little longer

I don’t like

Goodbyes

Who would?

A bye is never good

It’s never good

I don’t like goodbyes

Pain and hurt

Only can exist

If you can feel

It’s an emotional silence

That could fill

A very deep void

And a heavy weight

Takes everything with it

I don’t like

Goodbyes

Who would?

A bye is never good

It’s never good

I don’t like goodbyes

Stories that are best

Never end

The best stories

Never end

No, the best stories never end

I don’t like

Goodbyes

Who would?

A bye is never good

It’s never good

I don’t like goodbyes

Keep the music playing

Let the chords go on

No encores

To our symphonies

Hit the high notes

And have plenty

Let it resonate

Hear the echoes

I don’t like

Goodbyes

Who would?

A bye is never good

It’s never good

I don’t like goodbyes

I don’t like goodbyes

Who likes goodbyes?

No one

No one

No one likes goodbyes

COPYRIGHT 2019. FLEMMING ERIK CARLSON. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.


Leave a comment

My Road So Far

Life is always an adventure. Most of the time it’s unchartered waters. Sometimes you are lucky enough to swim through the waves, and sometimes all you can do is tread the water until the sea calms.

These past six months have been interesting for me.

I can deal with the fact that I had broken up with a girlfriend. It’s a pity, but it happens.

What hurts more, is losing my best friend. My best friend was diagnosed with cancer over the summer, but she had been sick for almost a year.

My best friend was my dog. Not quite eight years. My Saint Bernard Brandy. My baby. She was by my side through and through. We travelled everywhere together. Friends and relatives, I think, were a little annoyed that she would have to come with me if I was gonna be away from home for more than 8-10 hours in a day. No kennels.

As much as she was a lover, and loved people, she was a large dog, and very messy. The drooling kind. The shedding kind. Slobbering. The hair in the spit flying on the walls and floor kind.

She was still my loyal little buddy. I would just clean up after her. She had no other faults. She was playful and very affectionate. She never stole food or raided the garbage cans.

This obviously was a problem with girlfriends. They liked her because she was friendly and well behaved, but they didn’t like getting drooled on, or having to clean up after her. These women I had met had told me how they loved animals and dogs. Until they met and got to know my dog. After one visit to any of their homes, after visiting mine to meet Brandy, she was never allowed back unless she was to be put in one place. A yard. A room. Blocked off from the rest of their home. Of course this damaged my relationships with them.

We did however take Brandy on hikes with us, because I like hiking, I do it quite a bit, and would always bring Brandy with me. She liked it, and she liked being with her daddy.

I got Brandy back when I had split up from my ex-wife. I was alone in a fairly large house and totally heartbroken over the end of the marriage. I was extremely depressed and drinking a lot after work every night in the house.

My father who wasn’t well, had flown out a few times to check on me and my well being. After his second visit, he left me with a check. And on the memo line he had written, “Get a dog!”

I was too depressed. I didn’t want a responsibility. How could I take care of a living creature, when I couldn’t take care of myself? I had too much to deal with. I didn’t know where I was gonna end up after the divorce.

But my dad and my brother would call me regularly and ask, “Did you get a dog yet?”

This went on for a month or two. Then a week or two before my birthday, I went around looking at dogs in shelters and shops, and online. And I stumbled upon this large, muppet puppy. She was a little shy. She showed me her favorite toy. A plush, baby blue, floppy bear. And she gave it to me. That was it. I knew she was the one.

After a few days of debate, I named her Brandy. One, because Saint Bernards were known for carrying brandy kegs around their necks for rescuing and comforting people, and two, the song, “Brandy”, “you’re a fine girl”. It was the obvious choice for her name.

Brandy was always there for me when I came home from work. She always wanted to go for car rides with me, even if it was just to the local store. When I travelled, I rented hotel rooms that took dogs. Brandy and I would split a large pizza when I watched hockey games on TV. She loved pizza! Because her daddy liked it. And because we could share a meal and spend time together. So, pizzas were very special to her. She was always excited to see the box.

Years of happiness with my dog. Until she got sick. Every week I made a batch of homemade food for her. Getting recipes on line, buying the ingredients, preparing, and cooking the food a week at a time. She was my buddy. She deserved it. I needed to make her comfortable until I couldn’t anymore. The vet bills and the food bills cost me quite a bit. I had to work more hours to pay for it, while trying to work less hours, so I could spend more time with her.

When she first got sick, before being diagnosed with cancer, last Christmas, my girlfriend at the time had tried talking me into moving out of my wonderful apartment because it was getting too expensive for me to afford. I was reluctant because I loved the apartment, the dog and I felt comfortable there, and it’s so hard to find a decent and affordable apartment in Los Angeles let alone, one that would take a large dog. By spring, an opportunity came up to move in with a friend who needed her house repaired and remodeled. She would let me and the dog move in for a few months to do the work in exchange for rent. The girlfriend gave her blessing to the plan. Then, two weeks into the move, the girlfriend changed her mind and didn’t like the idea anymore. The move was too far away, too much time with having to deal with the dog, and now she didn’t like me moving in with my friend who was a female. The next day, upon reflection, she changed her mind again, and decided to give me and our relationship more time to evolve and develop. Weeks later, Brandy, started coughing up blood, and was officially diagnosed with cancer after ex-rays were taken again, this time showing up, after not being seen on the previous ex-rays.

But, by Halloween, the currents of my life changed again.

The last girlfriend couldn’t deal with it anymore. My work hours and my free time hours to spend on my dogs last days, not knowing how much time Brandy had left. And being practically broke from it all. She just wasn’t understanding. Or maybe she really was, and decided to leave me alone with what I had to deal with, which was a lot. It was a shame because I really liked her. She was done with me. Sad, but, oh well! My dog came first. She said she no longer saw a future with us in the long term.

The last month with Brandy was hardest. The medications, specifically the steroids she was on, made her hungrier and more aggressive about food. She always wanted to eat, and ate a lot, but continued to lose weight. I took her to the dog beach almost everyday.

Thanksgiving was rough. I saw her health declining, yet the dog was still fighting to be with me. My roommate said she would lay by the door crying for me while I was at work at night.

The following week it was over. My best friend is gone but not forgotten. The most loyal, honest, friendliest, happiest, kindest, funniest being I have ever known.

Now I have my own home again. Just me. By myself. For the first time in my life in over 30 plus years. No one to come home to. No one to greet me. Not gonna lie, it’s rough. I miss Brandy. Her presence with me is very strong. Sometimes I just cry outta nowhere. I talk to her. It’s just very strange. Some of you say to get another pet. Some may say, to enjoy my freedom for a while. Right now, I’ll breathe deep. Have a little space in time. Who knows. Who knows how long? It’s just very strange for me, a guy who grew up in a family that always had pets as a child, to suddenly live in silence. And at my age now, I’m not that kind of guy that likes being alone or living in silence. But I’ll get through this. I always do. I’ll learn and grow from this experience. But thank you Brandy. Thank you for everything!

Namaste

Copyright 2018. Flemming Erik Carlson. All Rights Reserved.